I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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