Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
