Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
