It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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