he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
