I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
