So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
