I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
