I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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