What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you didnt know i had herpes?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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