And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
