Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
