Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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