you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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