Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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