i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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