I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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