Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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