I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
