I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
