the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
