he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
