Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
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Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
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Dicks are not precious.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize