Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
