like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
