I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love you. Go after that dick
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