Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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