Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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