I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
