I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
