I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
