No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
