I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
