fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
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