im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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