Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
