So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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