If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
