Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize