She is in my trunk
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
