and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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