I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize