I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
