I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
