I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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