So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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