You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist