I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.