I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
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so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
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There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today