Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.