btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i black out too much to be "responsible"