You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
