Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
