you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
