was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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