she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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