I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
