Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
