now i know why i became what i already was.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
