my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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