I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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