I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
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sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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