Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
