worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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