STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
